What you see is what you get? What you get is what you got.

Here it is people, my workplace. It's a humble building (and beginning) but I have imagined working here as a "doctor" since I was a little girl. I remember when is was Frames By You and my parents bought it. I would wait in the filing room to go to PM kindergarten. I'd sing on the front steps and watch the cars drive by, I mowed the lawn and when I got older, I worked as a receptionist. Becoming a sole proprietor is intimidating but I understand that everything in life is a learning experience. No regrets. Just do it. And don't look back.

Speaking of doctors, I was on Hotmail's 'Spaces' and came upon a blog that quoted Sun Simiao, one of the most admirable physicians of Chinese Medicine. I felt lucky to find it by chance in the week my doors opened to the public, and want to share the oath he wrote 1500 years ago:

The Oath of Sun Si Miao for Physicians of Traditional Chinese Medicine

As a Physician of Traditional Chinese Medicine:

• I shall look upon those who are in grief, as if I myself have been struck and I shall sympathize with them deep in my heart.
• I will not give way to wishes and desires but develop first a marked attitude of compassion.
• I shall not ponder over my own fortune or misfortune and thus preserve life and have compassion for it.
• Whoever suffers from disease and illness will be looked upon with contempt by people. I shall maintain an attitude of compassion, of sympathy and of care. In no way shall arise an attitude of rejection.
• I shall treat all patients alike, whether powerful or humble, rich or poor, old or young, beautiful or ugly, resentful relatives or kind friends, Chinese nationals or foreigners, fools or wise men.
• I shall not emphasize my own reputation and belittle the rest of physicians while praising my own virtue.
• Neither dangerous mountain passes, nor time of day, neither weather conditions nor hunger, thirst nor fatigue shall keep me from helping wholeheartedly.

With this oath, I shall fulfill my responsibilities and my destiny as a physician to each and every patient who seeks help from me, until I am no longer capable of fulfilling my obligations, or until the end of this lifetime.

I sit here thinking of all the overwhelming possibilities I could encounter as patients walk into my office. I want to make it better, relieve their pain, make them smile...but this is not a simple task. I'm already facing differences by practicing on this coast, and number one is providing a conversation about what acupuncture is. I also have to look the part-whereas I could wear casual outfits covered by a labcoat in San Francisco and my age was rarely an issue because I was a student, now I must buy a new wardrobe, wear makeup, get manicures etc. Business is your image. The only problem I have with this prejudice is that this is a fairly recent profession in the US. I attended school with people that were decades older than me and in their third career. That doesn't mean either of us are more knowledgeable based upon age, but you see a man like my father who has been practicing medicine for 30+ years and you trust his experience. You hear a woman on the phone that sounds young and people try to negotiate prices. But, who said life was fair? I knew going into Eastern Medicine that my Asian genes couldn't hurt my passion, my roots, my blood (my great-grandfather was an herbalist). Except those genes, combined with my desire for a youthful spirit, is why people are so curious to know just how old I am.

If people could remind themselves not to judge every so often, perhaps the boxes and pigeon-holes we build to fit an image for ourselves could go away and be gone! I am constantly asked whether I am full-Vietnamese (Yes), and I am proud of it. But I often wonder why people ask--what compels them, and if they are satisfied with the answer or just surprised that their assumptions are pointless. I don't look Vietnamese? I have my father's eyes and my mother's skin, my grandmother's love for poetry and horoscopes, my sisters' mix of pragmatism and rebelliousness, but everything else is mine. Maybe I don't look 100% because we can't trace history and bloodlines, or because I am very Americanized (and proud of that too).

No matter where you come from, don't forget those that came before you. I may not speak the language but it is singing within my soul. SAT NAM.

My Fourth Noble Truth

Nobu: [to Sayuri, during the sumo match] Three things matter in life: sumo, business, and war. Understand one, you know them all.But why should a geisha care? You spend your time plucking strings and dancing.
Sayuri Nitta: [to Nobu] What is sumo but a dance between giants? What is business but a dance between companies? I would like to know about every kind of dance.
~Memoirs of a Geisha

Sumo, business and war are not just about winning and losing. The dance occurs to manipulate the opponent and employ offense and defense when deemed necessary. It is not so much about physical force, the size of the army, or the weight of the wrestler than it is about how one uses his/her mind. The former are merely instruments for intimidation. The body and mind work together to create something that takes a life of its own, adjusting so quickly and in sync that the consequences you see are the culmination of practices and determination. Just as Nobu assumed she had no interest in the matter, Sayuri remarked that no one should be judged by appearances alone.

I'm not an expert on any of the three topics, but I will be starting my business soon, with the help of my parents. I've danced with them my entire life, sometimes yielding, other times pushing, stepping on each other's toes, but somehow it seems like we end up on the same side and we're not opponents at all. We go in circles and draw lines that are difficult to stay inside of, but the next step is always exciting.

This book/movie reminded me of people that spend a lifetime wishing on their own destiny, and if granted enough patience with time, your dreams are powerful enough to become a reality. Patience takes practice everyday. Listening to Thich Nhat Hanh on youtube recently, he spoke about mindfulness. I liked his reminder to take a deep inhale and exhale when you hear the phone ring, or use signals like red lights to engage yourself in breathing, not to wish upon a green light so you could travel faster. My favorite passage of his has to do with the act of washing dishes...his words are so simple yet profound in "Bathing a Newborn Buddha".

My two main tasks today were swiffering and constructing a file cabinet. Not things I enjoy doing, but I tried to remind myself to find joy in what I am doing right at that moment. With other things trickling into my mind, I can easily get frustrated when the pieces don't fit correctly, or my schedule is behind. When I breathe or do a few stretches, I can calm myself much faster than before. I believe theses little challenges add balance to our lives because when life is too easy, it becomes boring. The more challenges I face, the more time I have to practice patience.